Chapter 2 (Day of Surgery) - Left-Handed Adventures of Righty

The Left-Handed Adventures of Righty

Chapter 2: Day of Surgery

1)     Shout out to mom for getting up at 3:30am to drive to my house and pick me up then playing babysitter when hubby had to work/sleep!  You’re the best! <3

Something else I should have mentioned… no food or drink after midnight (that included water). I get really cranky when I’m hungry and often will get headaches when food/caffeine deprived.  Great way to start the day, right?

2)     Holy information dump batman!  After I was taken back for prep, I played more games of 5 questions than I ever have in my life. I get that they have to confirm identity, but once I have my bracelets on tight enough that they are going anywhere, this should be relaxed.  Then it was wave after wave of what’s going on, what to expect, aftercare, etc.  I’m glad I had someone with me to help remember it… and that they gave me a forest-worth of documents I can look at later for the info.

3)     They gave me an IV sedative just before the nerve block.  End of memories for a few hours.  I was apparently awake and carrying on conversations with mom and nurses. No idea and no video.  Sorry.

4)     Post-op I “wake” up.  Still pretty foggy and all movements are like those of a newborn (aka I didn’t have much control over my other 3 limbs).  Shoulder was bandaged up to the tune of a football pad and sling was in place.  Halleluiah!  No big foam piece and only the shoulder strap! Small victory. Mom comes back to help me get dressed and we artfully navigate the biggest t-shirt I own over the contraption that is now my right torso.  Good news at this point: nerve blocker should work most of the rest of the day. I’ll call that a bonus. J

5)     On the way home, we stop at Panera for food (and I have to pee).  In the parking lot, I figured out that my ice pack had sprung a leak and my (white) shirt was COMPLETELY soaked on that side.  Confirmation that the nerve blocker is still working as I didn’t feel a thing.  I walk into the bathroom ready to take on this task.  Sweatpants didn’t prove too much of a problem.  Grabbing toilet paper was ok thanks to the super heavy rolls and the dispenser setup.  Only bummer was twisting across my body to reach it. No big deal, I got this!  Step out of the stall and stop dead staring at the sink. How the heck do I wash my hand?  That non-dominant hand which is sporting a mountain of gauze and tape because I’m a bleeder and that’s where the IV was placed. Well, crap.  I rinse my fingertips with a little soap and water and move on, resolving to use hand sanitizer as soon as I get to some. I can live with that.

6)     Get home, need to pee again (seriously, I NEVER have to go this much normally… I guess it was all the water I drank before the midnight pumpkin time and the IV fluids they pushed).  This was remarkably more difficult.  I have normal, soft toilet paper on a generic roll dispenser… on the right side of the toilet. Hmph, figures.  I twist and grab hold of the end, unroll a normal amount (a few squares), and tug sharply to tear. Well, let me tell you that it isn’t easy to roll toilet paper back onto the roll one-handed.  I’m cursing under my breath as I end up unrolling half the damn roll.  I eventually bend in half while still sitting on the toilet to use my forehead to hold the roll while I tear off what I need. Not ideal but hey, it worked… eventually anyway…

7)     The shoulder strap of the sling uses a hook and loop (aka Velcro) closure to help adjust the fit.  The “hook” side of that system has been digging into my left shoulder all friggen’ day.  I contemplated several solutions before my epiphany (which strangely enough came to me while I was going to the bathroom).  For Christmas, my wonderful sister-in-law bought me a new cart seat cover set (I really need to change the ones in my car… they are very worn out).  This set included seat belt covers to help avoid the rub for where it sits on the shoulder.  I grabbed one of those and wrapped that around the offending section of Velcro.  Problem solved!

8)     For the most part I wasn’t on social media today.  I did try to send some updates to friends though (I have the BEST friends and family by the way).  I ended up having to register lefty fingerprints so ‘I could unlock my phone… that required a flat surface and several curses before I could get it done.  Then came the use of the phone.  Lefty doesn’t follow instructions too well.  It selects the wrong items almost every time (same thing with buttons on my laptop keyboard, I couldn’t tell you how many apps or windows I had to close out of repeatedly).  It pretty much tripled the time it normally takes for me to respond to anything.  When I did reply, there were so many errors that the original response was almost incoherent.  Wish I could blame it on my pain medication… didn’t even need it until dinner time.

Example:

Friend- How ya doing?

Me- Alright. Never bucket is starting to wear off

…that was supposed to be “nerve block”.  Pay attention lefty!

Not to mention the five minutes it took for lefty to actually hit the send button… I hope it gets better with practice or this will be a very long week (estimated amount of time I have to stay in the sling).